We are officially 4 months past my miscarriage earlier in the year. Most moments are good, some moments I feel the weight and freshness of the miscarriage like it was yesterday. It’s amazing how it changes your perspective on pregnancy and children. I wish more than anything I did not have a miscarriage however that is not my reality. So I need to do my best to keep my chin up & a smile on my face.
I wish every time I saw a pregnancy announcement on my Facebook or on a chat board I didn’t have a small sting of pain in my heart. I wish when I saw a mom with two young children, or young children and pregnant I didn’t get that heartbreaking jealous feeling. I want to be happy for others. Especially at the best time of their lives. I loved being pregnant. I love my little girl more than anything and I am so thankful to have her and to have had a relatively uneventful pregnancy. I am beyond thankful to have had her to help get through the miscarriage.
Having a miscarriage has made me more compassionate for other women going through fertility struggles. I also no longer ask “When is #2 coming?” or “When are you guys going to have kids?!” Everytime I get asked this I have to put on that fake smile while I’m screaming “I AM TRYING!!!! MY VERY HARDEST!!” on the inside.
I hope I can eventually get to a place where I feel that genuine happiness for everyone around me who gets pregnant. I want that feeling back and I think besides my unborn baby this is the biggest thing miscarriage has taken from me.